a new year....

A new year is the greatest gift my mom has given me as of late.  Although, I am very sad that she is no longer roaming the earth, she continues to give even when she is gone.  She has given me a new start after a very, very difficult year.  Thank you mom.  I love and miss you dearly.

So, I'll post some pictures at the end.  I am going to post some funeral pictures, but I'm not sure that you'll want to see them, just for emotions sake, so you can just read words and avoid pictures if you so desire.

The year has been so busy for us thus far.  I had one half hour yesterday where I just sat on the couch without anyone around or anything to do.  That is the first time I've "stopped" since December 18th.  It was a quiet, sad thirty minutes that I needed.  Then, I just got moving again.

My mom's funeral was absolutely perfect.  So many wonderful people came to support me and to say their farewell's to my mom.  I have to mention all the support I have received through all of this has been incredible.  I'm so grateful for friends who email me, facebook me, call me, visit me, hug me, pray for me, love me.  Please don't quit!  I am so grateful for it.

I became so much closer to my aunties and my mom's dear friends while in Utah, that I miss them and I'm happy when I get to talk to them or text or communicate with them.  I'm truly blessed with wonderful friends and family.  Thank you.

We put my mom's house on the market the Friday after her funeral and it sold yesterday.  Seven days people, seven days!  Another tender mercy for our family.  I'm grateful it doesn't have to sit, unattended for months and months.  We are blessed.  We cleaned that house out in less than a week and it will be nice to not have to worry about it anymore.  Although, it is a bitter/sweet situation.

We are really busy right now finding a place for everything we brought back in the Uhaul from my mom's.  Slowly but surely, everything is coming together in our house.  My old furniture looks great in Kedzie's room.  My mom's newer furniture looks great in our room.  Our old furniture looks great in the boys bedroom.  The china cupboard and hutch look great in our loft with all her tea pots and some dolls.  I guess it's our "ode to Grandma Mary" spot!  We have a lot of stuff, but it's all great stuff.

We are just working and doing and doing and working and trying to get some normalcy back to our lives.  It's hard every day, but we are all doing well.  Today's moment of sadness came when I opened a box of Hawaiian quilts she bought last year for the kids and I read her handwritten notes of love to each child.  That was very unexpected.  The tears flowed and then we went on with our day of house organizing.  I did manage to squeeze in time to go get the nails done with Amy B and Kedzie though.  Priorities right?!  Right.  So, see there is still a great deal of joy in life.

I've learned more about living life from my mom even in death.  I've been looking at all her scrapbooks and realized that after she was diagnosed with cancer, she had so many wonderful adventures.  She truly did "live" until she died.  She knew she was going to die and she didn't let that stop her from living the rest of her life as best as she could.  She traveled like crazy, served everyone she could and laughed at the silliest of things.  What an example she is to me and I hope that she continues to be to others.

Here are some photos for your viewing.  Love, EM:)

Every day before Christmas, my kids were allowed to open one present from Grandma Mary.  It was so much fun for all of us.  Here is the last individual picture each of my kids have with Grandma Mary.  Some are better than others (Alex!)

In the end, the only things my mom would/could eat.  1. Diet Coke!  2. Butter with a little bit of bread

I didn't write much about this in caringbridge for some reason.  But, due to fifteen awesome people, we were able to get my mom her Young Women Medallion.  Ten people read ten pages of the Book of Mormon and five others did some experiences for her.  She was so happy to complete this goal that she had worked toward for over a year.  MaKenna, Michelle and Karen were her medallion buddies throughout the summer.  We had a celebration in my mom's honor one week before she died.  She was so happy to receive the medallion that she wore it until she passed away.  Kedzie now has the necklace and promised Grandma that she will get her own one day.  In addition, my mom promised to "haunt" Michelle, MaKenna and Karen if they don't complete theirs! Just sayin! 

Kedzie loved spending time with her cousins while in Utah.  It was three weeks of family, family, family and friends.  She loved it.  Here she is with Macord.  They exchanged phone numbers!

Christmas day with Grandma Mary!  It was wonderful and perfect.  We are so grateful that she got her wish of living through Christmas.  It was memorable in every way!

This is the last picture we have of my mom living.  She looks pretty good doesn't she?!  This was around 11am.  It's fitting that she is sitting in her lazy boy with a diet coke, watching her grandkids jumping on the hospital bed.  She was so happy!  At 1p, my Aunt Linda and I helped her into bed and she slowly slipped away from us.  It will be a day that I will never forget.  I love you mom!  Your "kids" love you too.  

Karen and I honoring the hat collection that we found while cleaning out the house.  She was an amazing friend and earth angel to my mom.  I know my mom was the same for her.  I'm also very grateful for our friendship and for all the sacrifices she made to help my mom live in order to die happy.  Love you Karen! 

My home of 37 years.  

The viewing table of my mom's history!  She lived a full and wonderful life.  

My sweet, wonderful friends/family...Dawn and Erin 

Michelle and Karen with my mom so sweetly in the background.  This is a tender picture.  Karen, I hope you don't mind that I shared.  

The most beautiful flowers ever!  My Aunt Vickie did these for the casket.  They were absolutely perfect.  

And what was the biggest surprise of all?!  The Clappers!  Drove all the way from Colorado to support Travis and I.  I'm so blessed to have such supportive and loving friends.  They did make me cry!  

My mom's headstone.  She purchased it about four years ago.  She was so prepared to pass away...leaving everything as easy as possible for me.  And, other than her being gone and not able to answer the phone whenever I want to call, this has been a fairly easy process.  Thank you mom!  

Great photo!

We had tons of balloons that we let go into the sky.  

The casket bearers.  Grateful for wonderful uncles and cousins. 

The best thing ever for my kids and the rest of us you ask?!  Sharpies!  That's right.  I paid a lot of money for that casket, and we took Sharpies to it!  It was the best thing for Ethan who cried through the entire funeral service.  Everyone wrote loving words of farewell to my mom.  It was a wonderful way to say good bye to her.  She would have loved it.  

I think Ethan used every marker we had at least once!

Kedzie enjoyed it a great deal too.  

I'm sure there's a lot more that I'd like to share, but this is enough for now.  

I love and miss you mom!  Thank you for leaving your mark.  I hope to be able to carry on your legacy.  You have big shoes to feel.  Remember us and give Milo a big hug.  See you in a minute or two. 

Love, EM:)